Why am I afraid?
Fearful of what the future holds...fearful of an imperfect past...fearful of the present...
Will I step up boldly?
Or will I fall away like so many others?
If only it were so easy to follow...

Ok if the post at the bottom was too serious for you... here are other questions that pop into my mind:

What do you value most in your best friend?

What do you value most in a significant other?

What do you value most in your parents?

What do you value most in your siblings?

What do you value most in your co-workers?

What do you value most in your pets?

What do you value most in any internet friendships/relationships that you may have?

If your house was on fire and you could only take one item out with you, what would it be?

Talked to MT about God yesterday. Here are some things we discussed....I won't give you my opinion on these questions because I think it would be a good thing for all of us to think about it and formulate our own thoughts/opinions. And secondly, this discussion merits a face-to-face talk.

Do we sugar-coat our understanding of God for others? Further, why don't we ever talk about God's wrath?

When's the last time you talked about Satan?

When's the last time you thought about or talked about hell/lake of fire?

Like Jonah, knowing that our God is a forgiving, loving God... do we become complacent and lose our fear of God?

Do you believe that the time of tribulation and the Kingdom of God will be seen in our lifetime?

God is giving me a lot of calm today. I run through what I need to do by the end of the day in my head and it seems like a lot. Yet, I don't feel any pressure at all...

So many people have so many issues....emotional brokenness, work pressure, job stress, relationship problems, I could go on and on... yet I still have this overwhelming sense of calm....

I took a 30 minute walk last night. I was going to work out but I just was too lazy (plus dinner just happened too late in the evening) ... anyways, the walk was really quite good. I thought mostly about my Dad (Father's Day is coming) and my time in the neighborhood (I've been living in the same neighborhood for the last 18 years of my life)...I remember so much as if it was just yesterday... I miss my Dad...his care is in God's hands now... and God is good...calm..peace...

I've been thinking alot about my friends because I have such a broad range...most of my friendships are on a one on one basis...meaning there isn't one main group of friends that I hung out with. When I get together with them, it's usually in a one on one setting. That's why I never have big birthday parties, because none of my friends know each other. It would actually be pretty weird if all of my friends were invited to a birthday party for me because so many of them have so little in common. I guess I should consider myself lucky because having one-on-one relationships is very rewarding from a closeness perspective.

Have you ever had a co-worker that gets you so frustrated because all he does is create useless, meaningless work for you? Well, I've got one of those. Straight out of Dilbert I tell you...and the best part about this is that almost everyone else shares my opinion...in fact, most people just ignore him or they "lose" anything he gives them to do... anyways, today's been so hard to get motivated just because I have to clear this particular co-worker's review notes for me on some work that had already been reviewed and signed off on 3 months ago (and more importantly was finalized and sent to the IRS three months ago). It'll probably take me the whole day and it won't accomplish anything except to satisfy his sense of importance...c'est la vie.

Corporate America...another name for Cubeville....

WHOA! The USA soccer team WON! Against Portugal which is a good team to boot....That's a miracle when you consider that for the '98 World Cup, the US lost all three soccer games in France. I always thought Alexi Lalas was overrated....

My co-worker ST says I look really tired this morning and I think I feel it as well. I must try and get more rest tonight.

Today for lunch, I'm meeting with my bro and Lumps co-small group leader MT as well as Lumps newcomers HT & TN2. Not to be confused with TN1 who is going to New York... MT and I are hoping to meet up with all of the new folks in our small group to just discuss where they are in their walks with Christ and how their thoughts on how to improve Lumps in general and our small group.

For those of you who don't know what Lumps is, Lumps is a Christian Fellowship that I attend at my church, Sunset Baptist. If you want to check it out, here's the website Lumps
Lumps meets on Thursday nights for bible studies, community nights, discussions with speakers, and other events. Initially, when I first started going to lumps, I really didn't like it. It just didn't fit me as I really didn't get a chance to meet people or have any kind of meaningful discussions with them. So if Lumps didn't fit you, you're not alone. But, I have to say that I've found some brothers and sisters who do care so I've been encouraged by them to stay in Lumps and to try to grow within Lumps. And finally after a year of going to lumps, I can honestly say that I've made a few friends there...

I'm now down to the home stretch for today. Only 30 minutes left to go until I leave work. Had lunch with my bros GL, MT, and EC. Again, I'm reminded of how good it is to be in His grace and I'm reminded that I have brothers that are willing to invest in the lives of all those who go to Lumps. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, ask me sometime.

Final thoughts as I get ready to leave are... why am I so tired? Cuz I don't get enough sleep? Why don't I get enough sleep? Cuz I'm too stupid to just drop what I'm doing, have my quiet time, and go to bed. There's always something that would be nice to finish before hitting the sack. I feel like an idiot sometimes. Now, let me finish this memo on the Heavy Vehicle Use Tax....

Surprisingly, I feel rejuvenated and reenergized. It must be from the Orange Berry Blitz with Energy boost I just shared with my friend JS.

Ok, it's Tuesday morning... and work is really quiet. I work at PG&E in the tax department as a CPA. We have really nice cubes with tons of space along with a guest chair in each cube. The place is pretty well lit by artificial lighting but the one really bad thing is there isn't any natural lighting... meaning we can't see the sun outside. Lame huh? Anyways, one thing about working in cubes is that although you can't see people coming, you can definitely hear their footsteps as they approach. You see, I have one of those cubes that has small slits that pass as windows so that people can see what you're doing and you can see them as they pass by. Of course you can't see them as they approach down the hallway but you can hear their footsteps or their voices as they are coming. Pit...pit...pit...thump thump thump...just by the speed and the intensity of the footsteps, I can usually determine who it is that will pass by my cube. As a matter of fact, I would say that the pace and the softness/intensity of a person's footsteps can pretty much characterize their personality. Inherently busy-stressed out people have hard fast footsteps, as if they are in a hurry all the time. Quietly busy people that never seem busy walk at a quick pace but with much softer footsteps. People who are laid back never walk by my cube. They are at Jamba Juice...

Ok, my first question is, "How in the world does everyone have time to create and write to a blog?" I mean seriously, don't we have better things to do? We should be reading the Word, praying more, or just watching the Simpsons but no, instead we write to this blog. My conclusion: We're all just really lonely and we turn to this blog as sort of our companion to sort of let out some of our frustration and inner feelings. Or we're just really boring.

What is the meaning of life? For me, it's to serve the Lord and to live as Jesus Christ did. However, if I ask that question to others, the answer is usually, "I don't know." The problem is, even though I know what the meaning of life is for me, I have a very hard time living it. And that's the most scary part about it... good thing the Lord is forgiving and loving.

My Life Right Now in 10 Words Or Less: Family, Christ, PG&E, 24 Hour Fitness, Home, Sleep, Fantasy Baseball, Taxes, Friends...ok that's more words than 10 but let's just say 10 thoughts or less.

My PS2 has got to be the least used PS2 in the world. I played it for the first time in 3 months yesterday. Final Fantasy 10, Twisted Metal Black, Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance, Armored Core 2, Red Faction all remain unopened. So busy...and so tired...