Ok, I got this email as a forward because I am in a highly competitive football league. It is definitely unedifying but I must admit some of them are pretty funny. This post is only for Fantasy Football guys because it is awfully hilarious and possibly offensive to women (please skip if you're a sister, if you still want to read (then I apologize if you find it in any way offensive, I'll make it up to you, I promise).

So without further adieu....

You know you are too into fantasy football when - contest
And here are the top 100 entries (listed in no order) that we found
enjoyable:
1. You consider a big-screen T.V. and Sunday Ticket an "investment".
2. You supplement your holiday budget with your winnings.
3. You attend 2 football games on the same day in 2 different cities.
4. Sunday weather reports are more relevant for 16 cities not remotely
close to your current location.
5. You haven't made plans for the Labor Day weekend for the past ten
years because it would interfere with your draft.
6. You manage your workload around your online time.
7. Every time you finish a flag football game, you email your yardage
totals to Doug Drinen.
8. You can simultaneously catch 4 games at once without missing a
single play by using: picture in picture, real time play-by-play, and
Internet radio.
9. You sleep outside the sports bar Saturday night to be first in line
for the spot that can view the most TV's.
10. Your family room is 10'x8' and your TV is 60" with surround sound.
11. You've ever charged out of the bathroom not completely dressed
because you heard the 10-minute ticker chime.
12. ...and you were at someone else's house.
13. You cheer for a player to do well because he is on your fantasy team
but not TOO well because he's playing against your favorite team.
14. You developed a VBD system for rating the women at work.
15. You prefer watching games on television over attending in person
because one game just isn't enough.
16. Every person in your fantasy league is on speed dial.
17. You wake up at 5:30 am on Sunday to attend the early church service
so that you can get back in time for the NFL pre-game shows.
18. You stay up all night Saturday night getting the latest injury
reports and weather conditions, knowing you have to get up at 5:30 am on
Sunday.
19. You watch the end of a 42-10 game hoping your WR has 1 more catch
for 3 yards.
20. You listen to ESPN radio when it is so scratchy and out of range
that you only understand about 1 of every 3 words, just hoping to hear those
sweet little words; (INSERT NAME HEAR) just rambled in for his 2nd TD of the
game.
21. You catch yourself editing your posts at FootballguysTalk.com
because you think someone in your league is going to identify you and steal
your "super sleeper".
22. You have no idea who your state senators are but can recite the
career statistics and bio of your team's practice squad members.
23. Heading into Monday Night, you honestly think you've "still got a
chance" because you're kicker just needs seven field goals to put you over
the top.
24. You have complete VBD projections built, in May!
25. You offer the guy who has the #1 pick in your fantasy league your
daughter as soon as she graduates high school.
26. You think "WWJD" means "What would Joe (Bryant) do".
27. You catch yourself watching the World Cup on ESPN2 at 7:00am just to
watch the bottomline to see if any NFL team has signed a FA.
29. You've done a mock draft in a noisy bar. In May.
30. You're checking out the box scores of High School football games
because you want to get a step up on the competition at your 2007 rookie
draft.
31. When your wife comes home from shopping on a Sunday afternoon, asks
you how James is doing, and only after you reply "He just scored again" do
you realize she was asking about your infant son you were suppose to be
watching.
32. You remember your whole FF teams roster and statistics from the one
week you demolished your arch-rival 4 years ago, but you cannot remember
your wife's middle name.
33. The only bookmarks you have saved on your home and work computers
are FF websites.
34. Your last paper for college proved that having a solid 6th WR is
better than having a backup kicker. This was a history course. You got a B+
for the paper.
35. You have to start emailing lineups at 8am...so "all your teams" are
in prior to 1pm kickoff.
36. Your ears perk up when you overhear someone talking about BenGay.
37. Week 1 in the NFL has come and gone, and you feel a greater sense of
loss then when any distant relative passes on.
38. You feel that you're showing restraint when you only click "Refresh"
only every 5 seconds on the Live Internet GameCast.
39. When Favre rolls out from the 1 yard line and throws a TD pass to
Bubba Franks, rather than handing off to Ahman Green, you become so enraged
that you start screaming obscenities and crying.
40. Your first name is Barry, so you decide to take your fiancé's last
name when you marry because it's Sanders.
41. You cheer when the wide receiver gets dragged down at the 2 yard
line because your running back has an easy 6 coming up.
42. Someone asks you "what's the score?" and you reply "Right now I have
87 points, but this field goal would give me 90".
43. Your desk is a wreck, your checkbook unbalanced, and your financial
statements are stuffed in a folder somewhere, yet you have a neatly
organized binder with VBD values, depth charts, etc.
44. You want your favorite NFL team to win, just as long as the opposing
WR and kicker get you 25 points.
45. Forced to attend social events on Sundays, you surreptitiously place
a headphone in your ear and a radio in your pocket.
46. You have no idea what surreptitiously means.
47. You know that Staley and McAllister have different spellings for the
same first name.
48. If a time machine were to be invented, your only idea would be to
check the next season's stats to create the perfect VBD chart.
49. Performance anxiety means not pulling the trigger on Edgerrin James
in the first round of your 2002 draft.
50. When you tell your family you can't take vacations in August (really
July 15 on) due to football even though the football season starts after
Labor Day.
51. You have a 'standard deviation' column on your cheatsheet.
52. You cheer a team's offense until they get to the 20 yard line, then
boo them down until their kicker gets on the field.
53. You spend so much time dealing misinformation when talking football
with your leaguemates that you have to write down what you really think and
put it in the safe at home.
54. Your whole day off is ruined because the FootballguysTalk.com
message board is closed for maintenance.
55. You get excited to watch the Houston expansion draft!
56. Your kid does her first cartwheel, and you think, yeah that's nice.
Then you read that Maurile Tremblay just hit his 4,000th post and you're
thinking now THAT's impressive.
57. Your buddy is moaning about his love life and says he has to start
using his head instead of following his heart, and you agree by saying,
"Yeah, gut or math".
58. You've ever tried to talk your wife into naming your next child
"Stepfret" or "Shockmain" (cause they helped you win the week you picked
them up).
59. You wouldn't wear a FBG shirt because you want to keep this website
a secret from other league members
60. You find yourself telling anyone who will listen ..."I don't know
why they took NFL Tonight off the air the week after the NFL draft"
61. It's April and your watching Sportscenter complaining " Why do they
keep showing all this hockey and basketball and baseball ... who cares about
this stuff?"
62. You watch the NFL draft and get mad when they don't do a statistical
breakdown of a 7th round running back.
63. Your personal cheatsheets contain every offensive player in the NFL,
and you update these cheatsheets all 52 weeks of the year.
64. Your don't care who wins the Super Bowl as long as your quarterback
throws for at least 300 yards and a touch, assuring your playoff fantasy
pool victory.
65. You turn down a job that pays $4 more/hr because you didn't want to
miss Sunday or Monday night football. After your wife divorced you, your
buddies and you still believe you made the right decision.
66. You have no clue how to take care of your own lawn but you know the
soil mixture of the field your star running back is playing at this week.
68. Your household budget includes FF expenses.
69. Given the choice between having just a vehicle or a computer, you're
not sure which way you'd go.
70. You're leaving your dynasty teams to your son in your will.
71. You offer to take the wife out on the town, just to soften her up
before you tell her your subscribing to Footballguys.com.
72. Your wife/girlfriend has ever uttered the phrase, "I've had it up to
*here* with FF."
73. Your 11 closest friends are in the same league. It's June and you
haven't spoken to any of them since January.
75. Your wife finally connects your team's success to your romantic
mood, and she offers to download mini-camp news from around the league while
your at work.
76. You call your leagues' commissioners 6 months ahead of time to try
and set draft dates so you can plan your family vacations around them.
77. You're more concerned that the rookie WR you covet scored a 7 on the
Wonderlic test than your kid's 72 on his IQ test.
78. You're sleeping on the couch because your wife just realized that
your wedding tape now has the Raiders/Patriots playoff game on it.
79. Your kid's initials are V.B.D.
80. You're trying on clothes and ask the salesman if this sweater makes
you look like David Boston.
81. You call an Emergency Help Line because you just can't decide which
kicker to start..
83. You put your FootballguysTalk.com Member Number on a personalized
license plate.
84. You name your dogs Joe and David.
85. You make pancakes in the shape of footballs for your kids.
86. You get less than three hours of sleep the night before your draft
due to excitement and last minute changes with your cheat sheets.
87. Your wife tells you "we need to start planning for the future", and
you tell her "Don't worry, I've already started rookie draft projections for
the keeper league."
88. You could easily have a 2-hour debate about VBD vs. AVT with Stephen
Hawking, yet have to hire someone to do your taxes.
89. You have calculated 32 sets of stats for every free agent - one for
each club that might sign him.
90. You still wear the Mr. Football "Because Losing Sucks" t-shirt you
got from David in Vegas four years ago.
91. Your wife packs up the kids and heads for her mother's July 26th and
you don't see her again until after the Pro Bowl. And you never notice!
92. You watched so much football last season, you realized that
commercial with the Dolphins fan celebrating in the Jets bar had a different
announcer calling the game depending on which network it was being shown on.
93. You think Babe Ruth is a type of candy bar and the only Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar you've ever heard of was the RB for the Dolphins.
94. You negotiate a football field to be painted on the wall of the new
baby's room; no matter what sex the child will be.
96. You respectfully ask that the Doctor say "Hut One, Hut Two,
HUT-HUT!!" while delivering your child.
97. You produce cheatsheets with cells color-coded to match the players
team.
98. A friend stops over at Friday Night happy hour (because he knew
you'd be there) because he just signed up for a fantasy league that drafts
in a half hour. He has no cheat sheet, no magazine, nothing. You sit down,
half loaded, and produce a cheat/projection sheet and a depth chart to 2
QBs, 3 RBs, 4 WRS, and 2 TEs deep for every team on 3x6 scraps of
paper....and he WINS the league championship.
99. You think some of these one-liners are funny, because they hit so
close to home.
100.You think some of these one-liners are NOT funny, because they hit so
close to home.